“You look so good!” The Aftermath

If you are healthy and have a family member, friend, co-worker that has shared they are ill ( but deep down you question because they look 100% healthy in your eyes), please check out this video. I am happy to open up and share what I am calling “The Aftermath.”

Some alternatives to “You look so good!”

– I am so happy to see you today.

– I have really missed you.

-I love those earrings, necklace, shirt, etc.

-You look beautiful. (This feels vastly different than, “but you look so good!”)

-Thank you so much for being here.

Heads up! Try not to use the word, “but” in front of the words, “You look so good!” When I hear the word “but” my mind heads in all different directions. This is what I hear in my head.

-Are you really as sick as you say?

-You look “normal” to me.

-I don’t think this girl is as sick as she says she is.

You may be thinking to yourself. “That’s her issue. It’s something she needs to work out in her head.” I ask that you trust that when you are living with an invisible chronic illness you spend a great deal of time trying to convince people you are sick because you are constantly hearing phrases like, “but you look so good!”  My outward appearance doesn’t often reflect the internal turmoil.

The definition of the word “but”:

“Used to introduce something contrasting with what has already been mentioned.”

Sensitivity goes a long way. This is really a case where ” think before you speak” makes a world of difference to another person.

Hope this helps. :)

* Don’t hesitate to share alternatives to the words, “You look so good!”

Much love,
Marissa

4 comments

  1. Loved this! Oh so very true. It’s a struggle sometimes to just be gracious and say “thank you” when I feel like poop on the inside but I’m being told I look great. Thanks for sharing this Marissa!

    • Michele! You are very welcome. Thank you for reminding me the importance of sharing these moments.

      Much love,
      Marissa

  2. Thank you so much for this!! It is a post that I am sure all of us battling along with an invisible, chronic condition can so relate to your video. Looking back at some of the old medical reports that I had to attend for disability benefits mentions appearance and with me it said that I looked ‘fine’ and mentioned that I looked smart!!

    So what!! I just don’t really want to go out looking like a right slob and wear decent clothes doesn’t mean that I am ‘fine’ and in fact I felt incredibly unwell when there, but because I looked well, the doctors just assumed that I was and probably thought that I was trying to cheat the system.

    Thanks again for your post and will definitely pass it on and share with people who may not understand what it is like for us!!

    • Rhiann. You are very welcome. “So what!” You are starting to get feisty and I like it. Hoping one day doctors are willing to be open to believing in symptoms they can’t measure with outdated protocols and procedures. Keep fighting the good fight.

      Much love,
      Marissa

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