Babe and I were in the backyard taking in the sun. The pool looked exceptionally beautiful. It was hot outside, and the pool was glistening. I should be able to, dive in, and swim, right? Not so fast. I always seem to find myself perched at the edge of the shallow end of the pool feet submerged in the water. I swear there is a magnetic force in that pool water always tugging at me. Why do we want for things we can’t have?
I have been in the pool post vestibular disorder, but there is always a fear. The doctors warned me, never put my head underwater because I could drown. I understand that once I submerge my head underwater visual cues would be removed, and my visual orientation would be impaired. Also, the motion of the water brings unpleasant nausea and has triggered a vertigo spell or two.
Heck. Today I wanted to get into the pool. I even checked in with Siri to confirm the temperature outside. I was stalling. Gotta love smart phones! I finally stumbled across a post that stated 80 degrees outside is considered prime swim weather. As fate would have it, Siri had already alerted it was 81 degrees. I proclaimed my desire to get into the water, and Babe didn’t discourage me.
Next thing you know I was in the water. Pants, shirt, bra and undies. I didn’t care; I was in! It was freezing and I considered jumping out. Glad I didn’t give up. I was forced to stay in the shallow end! My movement began to stir the water into a forceful motion, and I started to feel yucky. I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet. I elected to hold onto the edge of the pool and look away from the water. Did I tell you, I have not physically ran in 7 years? Running can be a trigger that provokes dizziness and vertigo. I then started running in place. Before I could wrap my head around what was happening, I yelled out, ” I am running!”. I turned to look at babe, and I was greeted with a huge smile. I then asked babe to set the stopwatch and time me. “Set it for 10 minutes!” Once again he didn’t discourage me. He set the timer and I started running in place holding onto that edge. I pulled my hands away from the edge, and the buoyancy of the water held me in place. I screamed again, “I am running”! It was quickly realized I wasn’t going to make the 10 desired minutes. Babe yelled out, “How about we shoot for 2 minutes?” My reply, “What about 3?”. I made it to 2 minutes, and I fizzled out. But who the heck cares. I ran! I ran for the first time in 7 years. It may not have been in the traditional form, but it was my way, on my own terms!
Babe asked me to hold onto the shallow edge while he went to retrieve a towel. I had an opportunity to be alone to think about what I had just accomplished. I began to feel motion sickness as the water shifted me about. Babe hustled back and helped me out of the pool. The weight of the wet clothes felt tremendous. That weight represented the heavy burden this disorder has placed on my life. Babe started to wrap the towel around me, and I hugged him close and began to cry. He held me tight and said, “I am so proud of you.” I am proud of us. We have been in this battle together for 7 years, and we may not win every battle, but we will win the war!