Crying In The Middle Of JCPenney | Family and Chronic Illness

Crying emotion

“Crying Emotiguy” by farconville

You read that right. I don’t want to give you the impression that I was uncontrollably sobbing, but I did have to take my glasses off and wipe tears.

I was accompanied by my future mother-in-law and we were wandering between men’s big & tall and the guys department.

Combing over the sale rack I was overcome with a spirit of thankfulness. I glanced at my future mother-in-law and blurted out…

“Thank you for everything you have done for me.”

Next thing you know the tears were flowing. We quickly embraced and began to walk it out!

Let me tell you, I wasn’t expecting that!

I have had a few days to reflect on why those emotions surfaced. I have come to the following conclusions.

Unfortunelty, when you are living with an invisible chronic illness you often find yourself trying to convince others that you are suffering from a real condition that they can’t physically see.

I try to be as authentic with people as I can, but certain individuals don’t completely embrace my story as believable.

8 years into this condition I am learning to be OK with the idea that some people can’t be convinced.

I am less tolerant when it comes to members of the medical community. Certain doctors and “specialist” I have encountered have taken the position that credibility comes in the form of blood work, CT’s and MRI’s. If everything comes out “normal” your credibility is shot.

Then comes the patronizing phrasing…

“Are you more stressed than usual?”
“Is everything OK at home?”
“Have you considered seeing someone in mental health?”

You know something is TERRIBLY wrong, but the person you believed had the power to fix it has thrown in the towel. They have closed off the idea of possibility and you are disregarded.

Thank GOD not all medical professionals are cut from the same cloth.

Which takes me back to why I got emotional in the middle of JCPenney.

I really should have said to her …

“Thank you for believing me! Thank you for not dismissing me or second guessing me. Thank you for making adjustments to my situation.”

I can count on seeing three people on a daily basis. THREE! One of those individuals is my future mother-in-law.

She believes me! She doesn’t question me. She knows who I was before and who I am now. She didn’t discard me or question me, and that is why I cried in the middle of JCPenney.

If you are being dismissed or ignored, hang in. There will be a person that comes into your circle that doesn’t need to be convinced. They will embrace, believe, and accept. Just promise yourself that when that person presents himself or herself you won’t take them for granted!

Much love,
Marissa

Opening The Thankfulness Floodgates

"Thank You Computer Key" by Stuart Miles

Image: freedigitalphotos.net

Thankful to have a desire to share thanks once again! I was clouded by a negative health catastrophe that started a few years ago leaving me feeling far from thankful!

That has changed.

The cloud has lifted enough for me to see the blessings.

This year my family skipped over our traditional Thanksgiving day shout outs. We normally go around the table sharing what we are thankful for.

As difficult as it is for me to admit, for a few years there I HATED this tradition. I would smile and oblige, but deep down I was too bitter inside to feel genuinely thankful.

The last two years I have felt my heart soften. I was ready to express everything I was thankful for with pleasure.

However, this year we got caught up in movie title charades. I didn’t get a change to let thankfulness spill over.

(Your girl was asked to act out scenes from Platoon and Gremlins. WHAT? Sorry team for not earning you any points!)

Each person that has entered into my life over these last few years has been instrumental in opening up the floodgates of thanks!

It is with a full AND thankful heart that I drop a few shouts outs………….

Babe! You are the truth. You didn’t need to recite the vow “in sickness and in health” in order to honor it daily.

My entire family! Love and blessings.

Thanks Noreen for your unwavering friendship. You are one of the ONLY friends pre-vestibular that get’s me!

Thanks to Blake Watson for being a patient teacher.

The 12-12-12 project members that all have been instrumental in my growth.

Theresa for inviting me to her dizzy group, Dizzy World Cafe.

Every member of the Dizzy World Cafe .

My VRT therapist.

My entire medical dream team.

VEDA for asking me to share my story. (Kerrie, you are THE BEST!)

Disability Horizons for allowing Blake and I to collaborate on an article.

Rhiann for her sweet spirit.

Jeanne for trying to school me on bioidenticals.

Tom Hogle for caring about what I have to say.

Jeffrey Zeldman for reminding me that I still have a voice.

Kim  for allowing me to be part of her journey.

Sarah G. for allowing me to express my vulnerable moments.

Curly Jane for being a ray of sunshine!

Veronica for teaching me thoughtfulness.

EVERY person that has sent me a coding book or video.

EVERY person that has emailed me and has been open to sharing their story with me.

EVERY person that has been kind or gracious toward me.

EVERY person that has not been kind or gracious toward me. ( Yes, they have been an important part of opening my thankful floodgates.)

Much love,
Marissa

P.S. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel closed off and not blessed. EVERY person, AND experience, good or bad, is going to chip away at the wall you have put up. Your thankfulness floodgates will open once again!