Written blog post referenced: More Than A Work Badge?
Standing in and embracing my truth!
Transcript of audio:
We fight to be cared for.
We fight for independence.
We fight for grades.
We fight for love.
We fight ourselves.
We fight each other.
We fight to be understood.
We fight for acceptance.
We fight for what’s right.
We fight to fight.
We fight for employment.
We fight when we’re unemployed.
We fight to keep our homes.
We fight to save our marriages.
We fight to save our relationships.
We fight for quality of life.
We fight systems.
We fight for equality.
We fight to be heard.
We fight for respect.
We are good at the fight, but when do we learn to surrender?
My life drastically changed when diagnosed with a vestibular disorder. A floodgate of emotions began to consume me. Emotions that ranged from anger to fear, depression to confusion. My judgement was often clouded and I made mistakes. I have spent the last few months trying to assess the aftermath of my cloudy decisions. As I evaluate the damages, I am left with the question, am I worthy of a second chance? In my haste I left behind close friendships, and made terrible educational choices. For example: I miss my former best friend dearly, yet it’s hard for me to pick up the phone and ask for a second chance at rekindling the friendship.
Why am I putting this out there?
I want you to avoid the same mistakes I have made. Before I was granted this disability, I had major life weaknesses. Those weaknesses were magnified when the disability hit. I would suggest evaluating and shoring up your life weaknesses today!
Examples of my weakness pre-disability:
* I didn’t invest in my friendships . I would not send out b-day cards, make phone calls, plan outings, etc.
* I was afraid to live my dreams. I wanted to live in New York and travel aboard.
* I was 100 percent a workaholic. I didn’t make enough time for family, fiance and friends.
Worthy of a second chance?
I would love a be transported back in time to turn those weakness into strengths! I may or may not be worthy of a second chance, that remains to be seen. The choices we selectively make or dismiss will directly impact the outcome of our futures. Are you worthy of a second chance?
My personality is reflective of a clutch hitter. When the bases are loaded, full count, team down by two runs, I’m confident I can hit a home run. When I am called to lead, I am comfortable assuming a leadership role. When I am asked to follow, I am known to be a trustworthy consigliere.
I have always felt comfortable to lead or follow, knowing I was surrounded by team members. As I stand alone, yearning for ways to contribute in the workforce, I am riddled with fear. I don’t have co-workers to collaborate with, or a boss to impress. I am on this journey alone, without much direction. I am afraid to fail.
The fear of failure is going to have to substitute for team members. The fear of failure has asked me to follow and I have been a solid listener. I have listened and understood that I may not succeed. However, I believe it’s my time to lead. I will introduce fear and uncertainty to bravery and success!
I feel like I have been living a double life. Majority of those on my personal Facebook page have no clue I am living with a disability. I couldn’t take it any longer. It was time for me to come clean!
“Majority of you are unaware that I have been suffering from a disabling balance disorder. Six, almost seven years ago my balance started failing me. I began experiencing intermittent dizziness and then one day I woke up with full blown vertigo, I have never been the same. The etiology of the condition is unknown. Check out the day in a life living with this condition.
The crazy thing is I look 100 percent “normal,” yet I am really struggling inside. I have been silent about what is going on for several reasons, mainly fear and embarrassment. However, as I grow to accept what has happened I want to live more openly about what I am going through. I can’t be my authentic self and not speak my truth. So I want to apologize for missing birthday’s, events, visits, graduations, and much more. I apologize for not being honest with you and allowing a chance for dialogue and support. I want to thank babe for always being by my side and helping me get through this! Much love, Marissa ”
Quick blog post today. I may start posting restaurant reviews on my blog. My fiance and I are planning to have a celebratory dinner with our parents. One concern with chronic dizziness is finding a well-lit restaurant not overwhelmingly noisy.
Side note: Is ambiance in a restaurant really that important? Why do restaurants have to be so dark? I personally enjoy seeing my company:) If you have any suggestions in the Los Angeles/ San Fernando/Burbank/Pasadena areas please don’t hesitate to comment.