Self Control Over The Control Freak

I won’t do myself or you a disservice by not keeping it real! Things are about to get personal.

As soon as the cloud began to dissipate over my vestibular heavy head, I started working toward earning my latest badge-CONTROL FREAK.

I have done my best to control EVERY ASPECT of my life pre AND post-vestibular.

Post-Vestibular, (balance disorder) if I couldn’t drive to the grocery store on my own, I would control the foods babe, and I consume.

If I couldn’t return to the job I loved, I was going to insert my opinion every chance I could get regarding the career path I felt babe should be heading down.

If I couldn’t see rapid progress in vestibular rehab therapy, I would focus on weight loss. At least I could visually see the progress.

Not to let myself off the hook, but I didn’t realize how much of a control freak I was becoming until my conversation with 12-12-12 project member Pamela.

After I got off the Skype call with Pamela something clicked. I realized I had morphed into a control freak. I am trying to control EVERY aspect of my life because I have no control over the vestibular symptoms.

Poor Babe! Because I believe I can control everything in my world, I am unleashing kryptonite on this man.

What happens if babe decides he doesn’t want to eat gluten free bread?

What happens if babe decides he wants to drop out of his Master’s program?

What happens if I gain 40 lbs?

Before this life lesson was revealed, I will tell you exactly what would have happened. I would have been disappointed in myself for what I would have seen as tragedies, and would have believed I didn’t try hard enough to prevent these tragedies.

Side Note: WOW! Tragedies? M-A-R-I-S-S-A…really?

Are you creating a world where you believe everything outside of yourself can be controlled?

While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us. – Benjamin Franklin

Let’s talk about situations where being in complete control would be beneficial.

12-12-12 project member Pamela is living with a movement disorder called Dystonia. Her muscles are fine, BUT they are receiving confusing messages. Imagine how unpredictable her life is!

Walking confronts me with a never-ending surprise party. One minute I’m strolling prettily, nary a care. Then I remember my legs – shazam, we have movement. – Pamela via blog post: Walking

She would love to wear my control freak badge for a day and have complete dominion over her muscle response, yet that’s not possible. Just as it’s not possible for me to have complete control over every aspect of my life and those in it!

What valuable lessons are you missing because your focused on controlling vs. having self control?

Pamela doesn’t have control over her muscle response!

I don’t have control over my vestibular response!

YET, we have the ability to control our emotional responses and reactions to what is happening in our lives. That doesn’t mean attempting to control everything not associated with our medical conditions, so we create a false sense of control!

Being able to shift from controlling to self-control is going to be a learned skill. Being in a heightened state of awareness will be required to shatter this unstable foundation I have created.

I now realize that Pamela and I were destined to meet. In ONE COVERSATION, she has allowed me to realize I was rebuilding my house on a foundation made of glass.

Much love,
Marissa

4 comments

  1. Marissa Dearest, From one self-professed control freak to another, sometimes we just have to let go! I’ve also devoted a blog post to this vexing topic – “Who’s In Control?” – and a lifetime of futile effort towards taming the beast. Once we realize life is a skate on thin ice, we can stop obsessing over the mechanics of our motion and start to enjoy the glide. -Pamela-

    • Pamela!

      “Once we realize life is a skate on thin ice, we can stop obsessing over the mechanics of our motion and start to enjoy the glide.”
      You have a GIFT with words. Thank you for this.

      Much love,
      Marissa

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

* Copy This Password *

* Type Or Paste Password Here *