No Room For Two Sick People In This Inn |patient caregiver relationship

woman looking away  with hand up

by: David Castillo Dominici

If you’ve ever been to a church service, especially around the holidays, guaranteed you’ve heard about the dismissive inn keeper that turned a pregnant Mary and Joseph away as they searched for shelter in the middle of the night.

Stay with me….

Two weeks ago my fiancé, AKA Babe, came down with an illness. Nothing serious, just one of those yucky-sorta-illnesses that turn your lips pale. He started his descent Thursday and by Saturday he was a mess. We were invited to a family function, which we had to miss; therefore, no one was around.

I found myself alone with this helpless, sickly soul. You would think my loving instincts would have kicked into gear, and I would have rushed to his aid.

I hate to disappoint, but I morphed into Drizella Tremanine (One of the stepsisters from Cinderella)

I got silent, lips pursed and pouty. I was PISSED! Every response he made was disregarded by my sharp, rattlesnake responses.

What the heck was happening to me?

Why was I acting this way?

In the moment, I knew I was wrong, but I couldn’t shake off the piss-poor attitude!

Has something similar happened to you?

If wedding vows were run on a trial basis, I failed… “in sickness and in health”!

How could I be SUCH a JERK, to a man that has stood by me through my worst, and is still standing by me through a medical condition that appears to be incurable.

SO CRAZY. I got the chance to redeem myself when this illness reared it’s head this past weekend. I was better, but my performance was still disappointing.

We can’t grow unless we reexamine the demise…

  1. Babe got sick.
  2. I turned into a beast.
  3. I had a moment of clarity and walked to the local store to retrieve chicken soup, sprite, and ginger ale.
  4. Babe was thankful.
  5. I was pumped I was able to walk to the store to retrieve the items he needed.
  6. Babe wasn’t getting any better.
  7. I morphed back into Drizella.

If we were preparing to cross-examine the accused, we would find testimony 5-7 interesting.

I got pumped because I was able to walk to the store, (I don’t drive because of my condition) and retrieve the items babe needed. When babe didn’t get better, I got pissed.

Yoda to my defense…

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

I got scared! I often feel defenseless because of this chronic illness, and babe is ALWAYS there to guard and protect. His illness left me venerable, and that venerability turned into fear which morphed into anger.

His illness shed light on my own insecurities and inabilities to be a proper caregiver. I wouldn’t have been able to rush him to urgent care. I was only able to walk to the local mini-mart to retrieve comforting items, which did not include a pharmacy.

What if my condition prevented me from walking that day? FEAR turned into ANGER, which was misguided and placed onto him!

I’m not sure why that inn keeper turned Mary and Joseph away, but I have to make sure I don’t follow suit and slam doors on my blessings because I’m vulnerable and scared.

Maybe it’s time to put some energies into planning for emergency preparedness in our home?

Much love,

PS:  Raise your hand if you are a work in progress!


  1. Marissa, my husband saw your post first and messaged me, “You’ve got to read this!” Why? Because I, too, am an irritable, resentful mess when my husband gets a cold. Your blog entry seems to have communicated to him what I’ve been struggling to explain to him for years: how unsafe and helpless I feel when he’s temporarily out-of-commission. Any time he complains of a tickle in his throat, my heart rate goes through the roof and I’m like, “Don’t do this to me! Don’t you dare do this to me! I’m too sick to take care of a sick person!” :( I’m not always in a disease flare-up when he gets sick, so I could conceivably take care of my husband, but I get scared to death thinking about what will happen if I fall sick too.

    If my husband were to write a comment, it would be to Babe saying, “I feel ya, man.”

    I like your idea to come up with an emergency plan so no one is left unattended. You have such good self-awareness!

    wrangling with Ulcerative Colitis

    • V,

      Babe loved this post. Your post was reassuring to the both of us.

      I have yet to figure out an emergency plan. Fingers crossed.

      Hugs to you and your hubby and thank you!

      Much love,

  2. Thanks for sharing and your transparency. I can relate for similar reasons PLUS, I also notice that I get irritated with my husband when he’s not well because I know he is going to get better and I never will. It’s a struggle that I always have to pray through. My husband gives, gives & gives and when it’s my turn I often fail miserably. I’m grateful for a loving & forgiving Savior. I need Him terribly.

    • “I get irritated with my husband when he’s not well because I know he is going to get better and I never will.”

      I never considered this thought, but you mentioning it makes me believe my subconscious has!

      We are blessed to have partners that give and give.

      Please keep praying for babe and I!

      Much love,

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