How Many Years Can Chronic Illness Keep You From Marriage? | Life With Chronic Illness

Engagement- hands behind back holding ring box

Image by: scottchan

I need you to listen up now! I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did… SO PLEASE… pay attention.

Maybe you’ve come across the discouraging stat: 75% of marriages end in divorce when a spouse is stricken with chronic illness.

This distressing statistic didn’t even phase me. Getting through a wedding day terrified me!

I’d been engaged for years before I even considered getting married. (Didn’t Babe know about the stat?)

When Babe proposed I didn’t hear “Will you marry me?” I heard… ” I ACCEPT YOU”!

Chronic illness really messes with your head! A specific piece of information comes into the brain for processing, but your so battered from feeling like s@%t you don’t properly process the intended message.

See, the acceptance message I pulled from Babe’s proposal was all I needed. I wanted to stay exactly in that moment. Acceptance was my happily ever after!

After the unforeseen engagement, I didn’t run out and purchase bridal magazines, start a “wedding of my dreams” Pinterest board, and I sure wasn’t in the headspace to set a date.

Don’t get me wrong. I was on cloud nine knowing I would be spending the rest of my life with an AWESOME man that made my heart flutter!

So, what was the problem? I was uncertain.

Questions started to collect:

Can I make it through my wedding day? How long can I stand still during the ceremony? Should I hire a DJ even if I can’t dance at my own wedding?

The questions kept coming!

The burden of questions became paralyzing. I didn’t have the “right” answers. I didn’t know who to turn to for support. When I did attempt to express my feelings, to a select few, I didn’t want to accept their solutions.

Weddings are supposed to generate one of the happiest days of your life, however, questions piled up so high I couldn’t see how I was going to experience a joyful day.

So, I did what most people do when their facing an uncomfortable situation, I avoided it. I steered clear of the idea of marriage. I was content with being engaged.

Funny thing happens when you attempt to avoid something specific, it ALWAYS seems to show up!

I couldn’t attend a major family function without someone hinting about wedding dates and plans.

Didn’t they get it?

You see, marriage was only possible after “the miracle”. I was waiting on a cure!

It’s evident that my hesitation to get married was kept alive by a belief that I was going to be miraculously cured.

Subconsciously, I REFUSED to entertain the idea of getting married. ONE DAY I was going to have a joyous wedding day, which was not possible if I remained chronically ill! ( What a horrible message to have continuously playing in the background!)

Listen up: DON’T make this mistake. Don’t distance yourself from experiencing joy because your waiting on a cure. Don’t bombard yourself with burdens that will bury you. Surround yourself with practical solutions that lead to positive outcomes.

If you find yourself asking questions that don’t have meaningful and productive answers… consider rephrasing your questions!

I’ll leave you with this.

Last month I got married. WHOOP…WHOOP… We ELOPED!

I couldn’t have been more proud of us as a couple. It wasn’t about dancing, being walked down the aisle, or making it through the day.

It was about our commitment to one another. It was about creating an environment that allowed us to celebrate one another. It was about putting ourselves in a situation where we had the opportunity to process and experience the beautiful union known as marriage.

I LOVE being married. I LOVE being a wife. I LOVE that I get to be happy despite chronic illness.

In sickness and in health!

Much love,
Marissa

PS: Babe and I were engaged for 7 years before we got married!

PPS: Crazy thing…in my mind we’d only been engaged for 3! Allow me to repeat: Don’t keep yourself from experiencing joy because your waiting for _________(insert whatever excuse you’re currently harboring.)

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