Let Me Tell You About The Man I Love

Heart made from sunflower seeds

Photo by: justingun

The blessing bestowed upon me from above

A friendship that blossomed into affection
A relationship built from a strong connection

A turbulent roller coaster moving at high speed
Life altering circumstances that planted a seed

It would have been acceptable to walk away
You gave me a ring and promised you would stay

Through your eyes I see that I have changed
Yet, you never alienated me leaving me estranged

It’s here I make this public decree
We are not always going to agree

BUT I am going to love you and continue to grow
I will fight for us and not let go

So on this Valentine’s day, please allow me to say,
I will greet you with love at the end of each work day

I will always have your back
When the evil of this world want’s to attack

I will work harder to fight a harsh tone
Remembering not to cast the first stone

I won’t be perfect, and I will stumble
Hey, even Dan Marino was allowed to fumble!

All jokes aside, I will remain by your side
Looking forward to one day being your bride

I LOVE you babe. Happy Valentine’s Day!

MUCH love,
Marissa AKA Babe

PS: Hugs to those that have stuck by and uplifted their “Babe’s” regardless of chronic illness.

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Joy Can Survive And Revive

Lightbulb shinning bright surrounded by burnt out lightbulbs.

Photo by: Master

Didn’t realize how emotionally depleted I was.

Babe picked me up last night from Gram’s (Grandmother), and as we were driving away he asked….

 Did you have a good time?

I started crying!

I feel broken by this disability. It becomes a dark cloud that desires to envelop the soul.

Spending 2 days with Gram, nieces, and my sisters, I am reminded that darkness and light coexist.

If this beast of an illness stays with me the rest of my life, I have a powerful defense… JOY!

Throughout my life Gram has unintentionally (possibly intentionally) groomed me for this very moment in my life. She has reminded me that sources of POSITIVE joy can be pulled from many life experiences.

*My sister taking me to the hair salon after-hours so I can get my hair cut and colored!

*My niece laughing out loud in 5 minute increments because she is happy!

*My family holding hands in a circle several years after my grandfather’s passing thanking God for the beautiful memories we are left behind.

Guess what? This vestibular condition was present during every one of those moments! Yet, JOY was still present.

Balling up and internalizing POSITIVE moments of joy are going to be critical to combating this chronic illness longterm.

I also realized…

“I’m not who I was before!”

I am NEVER going to be who I was before.

Does that mean I am not entitled to joy?

Does that mean joy will not exist because I am living with a chronic illness?

Does that mean I can’t spread joy because I grieve?

NO!

Joy is a FEELING!
Joy is STRENGTH!
Joy can TRANSCEND!

Joy can SURVIVE and REVIVE even in the midst of deep sorrow!

This “brand new kinda me” has been years in the making.

I was flipping through the channels at Gram’s and came across this song being performed by Alicia Keys!

Listen to the words.

“Brand New Me”…

Much love,
Marissa

PS: “It took a long long time to get here.” Be patient with yourself! Growth and change are critical to becoming the brand new kinda you!